little moments

I found this image as part of an animated gif on Tumblr and loved it.

It's 2 am and i can't quite sleep, even though the lights are off I feel everyone sleeping in this room is a little restless. Maybe it's something to do with the moon. Its a crescent now, my favorite. :)

How do you open your throat chakra more? I asked Vanessa and Austin on the beach tonight. They said chanting, singing, om-ing.
I wonder what else though.
I sang for Vanessa while we laid with our backs in the sand with the sound of rolling waves and stars appearing in the sky.
We tried to find Orion's belt and Austin finally pointed it out.

I had a dinner in all spanish with some beautiful Argentinians and a girl from Germany.
Was incredible how much I could understood. Religion was brought up, everyone sort of agreed that they weren't religious but had faith in something. Faith and love, this girl was so beautiful. She runs around the hostel and hugs her dog all night, every time she talks to her boyfriend she says "Mi Amor". My love. And they both have the most incredible smiles.

I've been asking people what their favorite part of the day is, my sister told me today that it was a baby laughing at his dad, she said she was so surprised to see it have a personality. I told her mine was swimming in the ocean pretending I was a dolpin.
Ha, anything to revert back to childhood, or the natural state of innocence rather. I'd come up for air and look over the water and see the crescent moon and venus in the sky. My two friends sitting on the beach. I thought, how perfect and would float on my back until water would swish over my face.
Simple joys.
I now call in moreee and moree joy into my life.

I interviewed the most amazing group of kids today. They were so open, they came straight up to me.
For them, the most important things in their lives were
"my parents"
"my family"
"my friends"
"i don't know"
ha, always one person in the group whose too shy to know, or maybe doesn't think in terms of favorites. Sometimes I get kids who also get it, like "what nonsense is this question?"
One of the 8 yr olds asked me if I spoke french and began speaking to me in french. She spoke french, spanish, english and portuguese, was from Mexico.It was pretty wild. Down to earth open eyed beauty.

The Argentineans invited me for dinner tonight in the hostel. Empanadas, and coca-cola.
Cheese, olives, tomatoes, spinach and sugar never tasted so good.
Food, with good people, no matter what, can just taste so good.
Soda is something I am getting used to.

It's been really nice to see my friend Austin, he's teaching me what meditation is again. The way he naturally falls in and out of it during his day. His humor, kindness, and incredible chocolate. I'm grateful to his girlfriend and his love with her, it inspires me. Happy silly dolphins.

I walked a lot today, I was tired and overwhelmed in this heat. I moved into something that grounds me, talking to a friend.
I skyped my friend Nina and it was so good to talk to her, Amazing what friendship can do , I interviewed a woman once and she said talking with a friend is love, I totally agree now on a new level.
She's getting married in over 6 mths in Chile and I can't really believe it. I mean I can but it's like I remember her 16 yr old self taking drawing classes with me and now to see her at 25 planning a wedding is beautiful.

Hows your health? What's your body saying to you?
The body is always talking. This guy told me today his wish was for health, because he said thats the first thing.
And it really is, I am grateful for my health, my heart and that I can walk, talk, sing and dance. Some people can't! Gratitudeeee.

I have some new visions and things cooking in my pot.
It's exciting and intimidating, but mainly exciting and beautiful.
Become your dream, become your dream, be the thing you want to be until you Are that thing. Just do it.
You got it.

:)

Ok night night, creative surge outletted and time for sleep.

Waking to intense dreams of children and flying cars.

 

New Beginnings

there are these moments, where i just want to bottle life up.

the beauty and love of it.

the magic, the unpredictability.

I fell asleep on the lake a few nights ago with my italian family.

I looked around and asked Otto, "should we move off the dock so we don't get cold?"

He nodded, i put my head down and he began stroking my hair, I will never forget how good that felt or the beauty of the simple gestures. It was so soothing. 

I began traveling with this amazing italian brother and sister.

I knew these two for only a week but it definitely felt like life times.

Strange how that can happen. I had never fallen so in love with siblings like this before.

Everything about how they were together and how they were independently.

Otto shared the same birthday as me and every time I looked at him I felt something that would make me smile.

Lea was this fire-y beauty who would make friends anywhere we'd go. Fearless and trusting of the world.

There was this theme of acceptance and humor in everything.

We hitch-hiked across Mexico. Snuck in and enjoyed the ruins, we're basically adopted by a family traveling from Vera Cruz and would eat all sorts of delicious food together.

I miss them already, but also felt it was time for me to go to Puerto Morelos, I will see them before they go, I have to.

I need those hugs and that warmth one more time on this trip.

So It's been about a week and a half since I left the little home I lived in in San Cristobal Mexico.

So much has happened.
I've been traveling with this sweet Brit whose always on the guitar, nice to have continual back ground music to life.
My skin is warm today from the sun's kiss yesterday. A soft pink/red all over.
I swam in the ocean to cleanse away all the fears or doubts that the mind had felt from leaving people I got so close too- separation can be hard!
But i read today in the dao, "you can't lose what you do not grasp."
While traveling expectations can rise and fall, nostalgia can come up, fear, all sorts of things, its really this dance of continually plunging into the unknown and surrendering. And then more magic and blessings ensue.

After San Cristobal and before hitch-hiking we headed to this "Shaman community" about an hour away.
We arrived to this little nature haven next to a stream and I immediately fell in love with it.
Sylvain, the women who runs it showed me a dorm where the "two italians" we're staying.
Little did I know how strong of a connection it would be, but my intuition told me to stay there.

Everyone there was from all over Mexico and other places a bit.
Everyone would eat together and help out with things around the land.

The first night we watched a movie about the Mayans.
The next day we hiked through the hills and then swam in the stream.
Every person there carried something with them that was unique and open and beautiful.
I immediately bonded with Lea and her brother Otto.
I loved the way they we're with each other, funny, understanding and loving.


My second night there I got to do a Temazcal (sweat lodge) with a family and Marzos, Sylvain's partner. It was so powerful.
I had been wanting to do one so badly and the it just appeared.
Marzos told me the ceremony was full but for some reason I didn't believe it, I just saw myself there. 
I went and meditated next to the alter, in the sun, my desire to be in it was strong but with time I let go of it, I realized that no matter what, whether I could join or not, it would be perfect.
It was only then, when my desire was gone, did Marzos come up and tell me I was going to be a part of the ceremony.

Me and the family that was going in smiled and laughed, they knew how badly I wanted to sing.
We saged, did a prayer around the alter and entered.
The heat was so nice, I love the way you can just feel it engulf you, like actual flames burning what you don't need.
After Marzos used his shell flute and sang he asked me if I had a song.
A sang a ceremony song in english loud and echoing, it felt so good.

There were 4 different times to open the doors to let cool air in.
Each time was different and at one point we all began massaging each other's toe's.
The ceremony ended with this prayer a young girl did for me over my heart, to create more space in my heart, releasing the old. Her and everyone's words echoed the room in Spanish, it was sooo incredible and we all howled at the end like wolves and laughed and smiled.
After we got out we jumped in the stream as the last light of the day was leaving.

Everything was sort of pastel colored.
So much gratitude.

This is what happens when I look at the stars, I look and see them smiling and think- "thank you- even in moments of doubt - thank you."
It's all aligned.

I arrived in Puerto Morelos two days ago, to this sweet man's house with Robin and to a friend who I had done ceremony with in December.
She is creating a healing center here in the most magical place I have ever seen, wood and art and white and nature. I don't know how she found it but it's a gift to manifest her dreams.
I interviewed her for the Wish Book and drew her. It was inspiring to see someone so actively pursuing and doing what they believed in.
Following the heart.

Either today or tomorrow I get to see one of the most magical friends in my life from NY. My little chocolate maker, yogi Austin from NY.
It will be so nice to see someone from the states who I love so much.

I spoke to a friend Camilla today and we picked words for each other, I gave her "sillyness" and she gave me faith and said;
"see what you want/are headed towards like a clear blue light/tunnel
and follow it!
you will get there"

It was so nice to hear.

Then she gave me this happy song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=II9SL6xPBJU

mmmmmm, happpyyyyy day.
More magic to ensue, enjoy and love.
New moon in Leo tomorrow! Time to shine. :)

Evolution

I'm sitting in the courtyard of the home I've been living in for the past week and a half.
The sun is out, the walls are orange, and pots with flowers are in each corner of the open area.
Matias, my friends 18 year old son, is pulling beautifully smelling wood chips out of wood he has while listening to the Garden State soundtrack.

It's funny to listen to this soundtrack I remember from high school, 7 years ago, trying to recollect my 18 year old self.

The older I get, sometimes the younger I feel. Old and young.
The skies are so clear today.
I just finished a mango I bought from a street vendor for 5 pesos and I'm lounging in this bright yellow chair.

Everything sort of feels like its standing still.
Mali just got home and gave me ice cream she made from berries and yogurt.

My tummy is happy and full.
Life is such a curious ever changing evolution. And yet, the clouds are always the same. They come and they go, they are white or they are grey. I am me , you are you, I am you, you are me.
En la' kesh. This phrase I really learned and started using this past winter.
I am another you.

little ceremony we had last night for the end of the mayan year.

i found this on my friends blog and really liked it:

Confidence. I'll take a scoop of that right now. Leaving a place I've gotten comfortable in is hard, and yet I do it continually, and I have learned that every little leap of faith and risk I take is generally rewarded or leads me to somewhere beautiful, even in spite of challenge.

Sometimes you gotta work for it.

and this Ram Dass image I love:

I remember my friend's Nani in India told me once, that every person we come in contact with, that we even brush on the shoulders with, we are meant to. 
What an interesting and beautiful idea. I think of so many people who have touched my life and left such echoes on it. 
It can almost be overwhelming to think, that everything is already planned, and yet at the same time we have so much freedom. It's like am I writing the book, or is it writing me?

mysteryyyyyy.

and then with all these questions I look at the sky and think what does it even matter?
Ha.

I worked with this healer earlier this year who was all about laughter.
I asked him why people got so worried about things while I was bursting out laughing, he said
"because they're just loaded with too much stuff!"

I laughed for about 20 minutes straight. And even now I think of one of my best friend's tattoo's that says NOMA. Nothing Matters.
Its like it all matters, we have to be aware, and yet we also have to continually let go, because it doesn't matter.

"You are what you think you are." C. S. Lewis.

and now to listen to this little jingle....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9gK2fOq4MY

enjoy your life

its yours for the living.

i found this image from over a year ago that I took in NY. i still love it.

Guatemala to Mexico

It's my last night in Antigua, Guatemala. In the morning I head to Mexico.

I'm not really sure how to explain the strange love affair I had with this city.

The way I fell in love with the sky and the clouds on the mountains and volcanoes.

The two brothers who run the hostel I stay at, the way one of them says over and over "Mucho gusto Bird, Mucho Gusto"

The cats and the bunny who hops around the place

The loud streets even, the bumpy stones all over them, the way you can really feel yourself walk.

The food in the market.

 The food in the morning, either pancakes or egg sandwiches, I never knew I liked either.

Tamar, the woman I lived with. The way she would decorate herself and others, putting feather headbands on everyone, encouraging all of us to see our own beauty.

The earth lodge, a little haven in the hills that saved me one night.

Lunch with an unexpected soul sister from Alburqurque.

The smiles and love of the kids I met.

All the unexpected souls I met and interviewed, the one's who shared bits and pieces of themselves with me.

One's who reflected things I knew and didn't know where there in my heart.

The colors, and the smiles of people on the street.

Some love affairs are brief, it feels I've been here for a strangely long lapse of time and yet at the same time it feels I am moving so quickly. 

But I trust, I accept, to fall in love with a place and the people, but also know there is more to explore.

Today I went to this weaving workshop in a town next to here, I couldn't decide if I should head to Xela or just head to Mexico, but I couldn't leave without saying goodbye to Raul, I skyped a friend and he told me, "don't make the decision, let the decision make you."

It was getting late and if I wanted to head to Xela I needed to leave soon, some girls said they were going to a weaving workshop and I said I want to go, and did. Left Raul a note to book my shuttle for the morning and left, the decision became simple.

It was nice to see all these beautiful patterns this woman made, she talked about the ceremonial aspects of it and then we watched this beautiful little girl show us how it was done. It was amazing to see her tiny hands and arms work the large object that contained the weaving.

I've received so many unexpected gifts.

I want to write more about the three weeks I've spent here and I'm just not sure how to.

It's been a wonderful blessing to rest, create and be in. To be inspired, to learn and to grow and work on the Wish Book in. To experience that wish come to fruition and see all the angels who supported.

I call in more magic for Mexico, ask that I am lead, guided, protected and that I may find beautiful communities to document, share and create in.

More wishes to collect and more videos to make that inspire.

May I be a tool.

May everyone love their dreams.

May you know how special you are.

May you paint and feel everything with your whole heart.

Remember what you have is now, and the future is your place to plant your own seeds to grow.

It's all blank canvas.

I'm so grateful to all the support in my life on this journey.

L'chaim.

Here's to life and all of it's surprises.
the message i received from this book in the market the other day:

sometimes i don't even understand the forces, but i just keep hearing the same thing;
to just
Show Up.

openness

this morning I am listening to this:
http://soundcloud.com/ivymeadows/sagitari

This lulling dream music over and over.
It's one of those creations in life that just makes me feel so so much.
I love that humans have the capacity to create such beauty through art and music, it blows my mind.

Lately I have been coming in contact with so many beautiful souls here, I didn't expect to stay in Antigua this long, but I also didn't feel any rush to move on.
It was sort of just like, yes, this is where you are going to stay for a bit.

I've been thinking about the echoes we leave, the ripples on lives. The small things that people can say or do that can stick with you for so long. The big things, the way everything we experience depends on our perception of them and how everything has an effect thats greater then zero. How we change those perceptions, how we view ourselves, our relationships, our lives is all in our hands really. I think perception is really the one and only factor we can control.
Openness.

That is my word of the day, openness to whatever it is that comes.
Allowing all the questions to exist, all the fears but not getting stuck in them.
They are just there.

What does it mean to live your life entirely in your heart?

i read this quote the other day " trust your heart above all else and never worry about consequences."
i think the main thing I am learning continually is we never know whats right for the other guy, only what is right for us, and if we can drop all of the stories or voices that aren't ours in our hearts or heads we can move more freely, but its about changing conditioning. Unlearning, forgiveness and serious acceptance of the self and encouragement. We have to be our own best friends.

This video was taken a few days ago here, I was really inspired by this girl who had a tatto on her foot she got with her best friend who had passed recently.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHMFmHQVd1M&feature=youtu.be

I dont think any of us can actually avoid heartache, we can only figure out how to deal with it. How to ask for support, how to get the lesson from it, how to love ourselves more deeply and forgive everything.

And the next thing is showing up, man really showing up fully when your heart asks you too.
I think thats a most recent wish of mine, to show up fully with how I feel and not run away from my own truths. Even if they don't make sense to me, I dont think love or life can always be rationally understood. There is a freedom in showing up, regardless of the outcomes.



I am still collecting wishes and documenting, I really want to head to Mexico next, because I hear there is amazing Magic in Oaxaca that I really want to document. I feel this pull there and I want to see what ripples can be found, how I can also be an instrument in some way and work with people and kids.

here is some magic from my journal, wishes and such;

here are some more vidoes here,

last few days to raise funds :)

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/courtneybird/the-wish-book-central-america

every little bit counts 

i loveeee you