Sunday, December 18, 2011

the holidays yo

So it's been about a month.
And the holiday's are here.

I'm missing my family quite a bit cause, well I'm overseas, and separated from a lot of people I care about.
Last winter I remember running around in the midst of Chicago, freezing my butt off, wrapping little gifts, and saying good bye to everyone before I headed to Christmas in California.
I was living in the ballroom then and Jake and I would DJ Christmas songs over the amp in the living room/ ballroom. I'd spin around in that big wide open space and try to deck out the place with candles and holiday cheer as much as I could.
A year later and I'm here in India, the same song- N'sync Christmas, the one that Jake cracked up at me choosing and then walked out the door to work, is playing here in this little computer room.
Its one of the warmest spots in the village.
The cora (fog in hindi) is so thick right now, like a heavy blanket of midst, and at night time it feels like this surreal dream land and I fell into.

I had to say good bye to this little boy yesterday, along with so many faces I love. I'm leaving the village tomorrow, headed to Delhi first and then off to Thailand to see family.
Every wish I've collected lately seems to do with family, and each time it's like a little squeeze at my heart, a gab at a bruise or a pick at a scab.
Being a wanderer has its pro's and cons.

My good bye here consisted of a sort of dance -band -parade in front of the school.
Neetu drapped a hand stitched orange flower lay around my neck and then all the women said a sort of prayer and smeared this red vermillion paint on my third eye.
I was laughing and smiling the whole time, and then my heart was sort of crying inside.
All these cycles, and people you meet, who amaze you, who you have to say good bye to.

I went to the hotel yesterday and had my last cup of 12 cent (5 ruppee) chai.
I will miss those dearly, and especially my little friend Kajal who lives above the shop.
I wonder where some of these kids got these smiles from, if they know just how incredible they are.

When Kanika, my friend from Delhi, came to visit on my birthday she read a story to the my class 4 kids about a chicken who was always in a hurry, never wanting to help others.
Kabeer, the boy above, raised his hand at the end and said some beautiful truth about how we should help others. One boy Harjot said in Hindi that, the chicken's mother was in such a hurry when she was having the baby that when the chic came out he was also in a hurry for all his life. Cause and effect.
It was so incredible how he recognized how the energy we carry effects other people so greatly, the idea that how you are brought into this world, your circumstances, will have an effect on your nature in life.
When I was born I stayed in the womb for 36 minutes after my twin brother.
I'm not sure what that means, but I know I like my own space and I know I like to be cozy and warm and bundled in my little nests. And solitude finds me often.

" The 12 days of Christmas" is playing and I had to switch it because that songs is just annoying.
Ha. Anyways, it's 6:30, my bones are cold, and I want to go rest in my room.
These last few photos show a few moments from my last days.
The fires I find around school that I huddle into, little Shree's feet on a Rickshaw as we head to the market to get some Christmas presents, and another smile from one of the cheekiest boys at the school.
He teaches me hindi words and then gets crazy excited when I say them, I ask him his wishes and he says to me "you're speaking nonsense, just take the photo." I grab his little cheeks and try to give him a kiss and he runs circles around me.

Happy holiday everyone.
I miss you all.