Friday, June 22, 2012

there is a record playing in my room.

Its "Dusk at New Hope, Pennsylvania" off an album called Environments.
It's just crickets and the symphony of dusk, the tune of nature.
This song is playing over it and there are certain chords that just play everything in my heart:

I watched a film called "La Belle Vert" tonight.

I watched this woman go from living in nature with a huge community to the city of Paris.

For some reason I thought of this moment in India, before I left when i said "Kripiya bhaiya,( please brother) what if I was your sister?"
It was at the airport when i was getting fees for overweight baggage. The fee was two hundred dollars.
He looked me in the eyes and then slowly looked down and said "I cant..." Which I knew was really "well..." a few moments later he gave me my boarding pass and forgot about the fee.
What if we all did just treat everyone as our immediate family?

I also thought of this one time I was on the bus in Chicago.
I boarded with no money and I was trying to be silent that day.
I looked in my pockets and found some gems and some colorful glints of confetti.
I handed it to the bus driver and smiled.

He looked down.
 He smiled back at me with a sort of curiosity and wonderment
He nodded and I went to the back of the bus and sat down.

In those days I used to photograph my shadow a lot, I'd document my travel to and from school, often distracted by the beautifully mundane moments of life.

I watched a cat eat a bird yesterday.

I heard the bird squealing first and my ears propped up like an animals,
Then the cat ran across my path with the bird in its mouth.
Rose was with me and her jaw dropped,  and she said
"circle of life" as she clasped her face.
We both laughed because really we didn't know what else to do.
So real.

i asked her what the human heart was.
she said it was "a rythmn, a beat, something that all things have, well all living things."
She said "they tell us it stops when we're dead but it just turns into something else."

A man at work the day before told me, "you do what you can with what you have."

He spoke for awhile and this one thing stuck out in a way where i found myself repeating it in my head,  the way one repeats a new phrase in a foreign language, "the facts aren't always sharp but the feelings are always clear."
it reminded me of dreams, of love, conversations, moments, where the details fall but the feelings are clear.
something like the desert or a sunset.
I can't always recall the details of these things but I know the way they make me feel.