the moon burns quickly,
the candle grows quietly.
my hair falls slowly,
and memories fade brightly.
it's December 28th.
The end of the month.
What a month it was, a brief pause in time.
you cannot contain time, nor stop it. I've tried before, to lasso the moon, to freeze the frame of my existence. But the mind doesn't not work like a remote control.
the closest thing you can do to freeze time is to be in the moment.
Because then time doesn't exist at all really.
I've been listening to a teacher I am going to see in India in February. What he teaches is simple, and he makes me laugh.
My dad, who seems to be weary of his heart condition and has trouble sleeping, finally fell into a peaceful sleep while listening to him. That's a good teacher to me . ;).But he also does seem to take to him, which is nice. It's nice to share something with your family and have them relate or connect to it.
The computer just froze, it allowed me to pause and take a breathe.
It's nice to stop. movement and stillness.
A candle in the dark.
I drove on the 17 freeway today, a little windy road freeway going to Santa Cruz in the mountains. I listened to Crosby Stills, Nash and Young. Had "Helplessly hoping " on repeat.
It's so good.
The sun came through the trees and I smiled at the rainbow reflections.
On my break at the teahouse I ran into two friends. One a boy named Kyle from a silkscreening class,and another a dear friend named Kate.
Her mow-hawk had changed from blue to black and was very soft to the touch. Like a little foxes.
I was so nice to see Kyle, he showed me his art, he is such a good artist and is only 21. I think him and I always gravitated to each others art in the class. Seemed to get it, meditative, simple.
They walked with me to get my thai coconut soup.
Talking about sweet nothing and it just made me feel loved to run into them seperetely together in that alley and then walk.
The night crisp and people about.
Downtown gets like that sometimes.
I'm getting sleepy.
Christmas was a nice blur, seeing family, no drama, simplicity, sharing, hugging my lil sis.
Tom talking about truth with my cousin and somehow us forming a little circle on the ground of the game room where pool was played.
The mystery reveals itself moment to moment.
I've been working pretty hard the past few days, but I see people do it all the time, its nice to be humbled by it.
There is a nice Rumi poem that I can only remember two lines of but they went something like this;
What is the body?
What is love?
(ok i looked up the rest of it because it's good...)
What is in the heart?
But i really liked that one line- "what is the body?
Endurance". It's just like, yeah..that is what it is. I mean living is to endure, or no rather, to be in a body. These bodies go through a lot, they endure the wear and tear of the world.
Our spirit, or consciousness is something different, the heart does endure a lot, but i do think the heart is or can be unchanged. That is what this teacher teaches, our true nature, the self , which is never affected or changed, or spoiled by the outside external world.
Thats one nice thing about children, they seem to be so unaware of them selves at times . And themselves more as an identity.
At least many I have met.
I had a second cousin that kept coming into the room where Tom was on Christmas. Tom wasn't feeling so great so he sat watching a movie while people mingled outside. The little boy would come in and say "hi Tom" over and over with a big smile. Then it was time for him to leave.
He asked my name again and then said "Bye Tom, can I give you a hug?"
Of course Tom said yes, and he just hugged him for a second. There was something just so simple and straightforward about it. A fearlessness and a purity.
It's almost midnight, and the moon is about half full. I think I will drift into sleep now.
The new year is coming.
It is here.
Here we are.
I don't have many pictures at the moment. Pictures just haven't been a focus..
But that's ok, here's a few...