Tuesday, May 22, 2012

the stars in California

the stars in california look like little pieces of my heart all spread around in the sky.
i wonder if anyone can see the pieces of me reflected in them as i see them, if their thoughts cross paths with mine.

this was a little drawing made before the solar eclipse.
a precursor to what was coming, release, clarification, understanding that there are two ways to look at the same thing.
two sides to everything,  maybe even more.

espirito santo is burning in my room, a long candle with a dove's wings lit up.

all these people flash before my eyes, these souls who i've connected with, on this level in such a brief lapse of time. time makes no sense and expands and grows in this way that is similar to space 
endless and immeasurable.

i just signed up for another ten day silent meditation retreat, i can hear the coyotes outside howling.
so many voices that sound familiar with my heart.
Vipassana, the name of the retreat, means to see things as they really are.
i wonder how often we are clouded by thoughts, negativity, the external world, internal struggles, and I wonder if we begin to stop seeing things in front of us.
I dreamt the other night of my eye fogging over, i couldn't see through it at all.
I was in a situation that felt wrong and until i pulled myself out of it did the fog clear away.
The next day I sat staring at the solar eclipse, later my eyes became sore and these two experiences
dream, and reality, or vice verse, seemed to correlate and cross over in such comprehensible ways.

the art of seeing.
i made a drawing titled
"in case i lose my sight

all things full circle."

after all, everything is a circle, a cycle, one experience bringing us to the next.
later i sat making lots of watercolor paintings, i decided, well if i'm going to go blind i might as well live it up and paint while i can. :)

i found a song called "everything is simple in the moonlight."

atleast things are illuminated, thats for sure.
I remember being isolated in the village in India, the moon became one of my closest friends and allies out there, this familiar source of light, regeneration and familiarity in such a foreign place.
She seemed to wink at me when things got tough or lonely.

although that feeling never lasted quite so long, as children seemed to continuously grab me by my center and squeeze this intense unconditional love into me

listen to the sound of the earth.
i've been trying to do that more.
listen to the wind, the birds, the trees, water, the night sky.
i taught a yoga class the other day in Santa Cruz and one boy who decided not to participate but
rather watch from a window told me
" i wish i had done yoga with you all, i like the way you did that back opener with your ear to the earth, adds another element."
true dat yo.

i've been streaming together videos on love.
its a topic.
its more than a topic, a topic is an under statement.

its something that fathoms, astounds and amazes me.
i find it in the most subtle situations.
a smile, a touch, a hug, a letter, a dinner, a wish, a drawing, words,
giving, receiving.
strangers, close friends, distant friends, family.
in India it was bestowed upon me all the time, in the US its the same.
its whatever you make it and where ever you attract it.
it can be overwhelming.
like swimming in the ocean.
beautiful and wonderful and intense.
what to do with all the waves this heart can feel?

i've moved back to California, which even for me was a surprise, I guess thats why it also makes sense.
time to root and ground a bit like a tree.
i see mexico in the future, on the horizon, central america, south america.
but in good time.
when i've made the connections with the souls who want to create explore, film and capture there together.
magic and intentions.
it will happen.

gratitude to all the guides in my life.
the support, help, guidance, inspiration, forgiveness and allowance.
allowing me to come in and out of your lives as i do, like a bird who perches, nests, explores and 
you're always in my heart.

rest. and growth.

its about midnight, and this about sums up my thoughts for the night.