Last nigth I took a martial arts class, my sister had begun taking a karate class with a Sensei in Santa Barbara and she told me, "once you eliminate fear in your body, you eliminate it in all aspects of your life>."
I'm really not about fighting, but defense is a whole different form of arts. I learned how to do a sommer-sault in case I fall off a bike or lose my footing, how to get myself out of a tight grip and basically how to do a dance with a wooden sword. I giggled through most of the exercises and all my partners would always sort of laugh in wonderment or curiosity. I couldn't help but laugh, each new experience made me giggle, learning new things that fathom me arise this emotion in me.
It's like a little kid seeing something for the first time, that curious smile and giggle at each new encounter with it.
Then I saw a movie that was incredibly disturbing, and I asked Ben, is it normal for people to feel sad for reasons they can't understand?
He said, "of course- and of course you're going to feel sad, we we're just emotionally raped by this movie! don't confuse your feelings and emotions for who you are."
I put this stone pyramid on my third eye, it was so cooling and sucked so much of the draining energy out of me, soon I fell into a deep sleep, knowing in a blink it'd be morning.
Its grey here, but patches of white grey lay everywhere. An old friend just called, and that comfort of a voice I've known for so long soothed me, but also left me with this feeling of - i want more!
I've been flipping through an old note book, full of notes, insights, quotes and wishes.
An old teacher told me, "nothing is finite, it seems like things have a weight, but everything is changing. Have faith in every step you make, don't be too responsible, make irresponsible choices too, follow your nose." She had then told me the story of taking out a $20,000 dollar loan in her twenties to make a film, soon after she was rewarded a grant to cover and make up for what she had done, she had no idea she was going to get that grant, but she trusted and took the risk to go after what she wanted.
Whatever that path may be, if intuition is telling you to do something, sometimes logic has to be disregarded.
Yesterday I had a chart reading, astrology is so interesting. Being born under the stars, your situations in life, your challenges, choices and so forth.
Life is a constant flux, and its all about the flow of it. My friend Cofield, who read for me, told me "dont put yourself in a box, let yourself have your experiences."
Once we start boxing ourselves to what we are or should be, false barriers come up, that seem to prevent growth. The only way to really learn anything, is to experience it.-SO theory i get it- experience- im trying! I am human after all. :)
Last week I took a two hour soul dance class- called "Spirit Rythmns".
Basically a group of a ton of people turning around in circles and circles, singing, dancing and moving their bodies in the way spirit inspires them to.
This man showed up an hour into class named Carlos.
He was in an electronic wheelchair, with hardly an arm movement and absolutely no leg movement.
He smiled and smiled and spun in circles with everyone.
Ben told him at the end he had such grace, and he did, I was just astounded at his courage and general state of happiness.
BTW Dance class is amazing- (find it, do it, go for it).
A beautiful friend of mine completely moved me this week after I hadn't talked to her in mths. I had tried to reach her but she told me she had been healing, or accepting what had happened to her and hadn't been able to talk to anyone yet.
She had fallen three stories down from an apartment building and ended up in the hospital. She told me the story of all the pain, of the surgeries, of how they had to move her organs around and about the infections they caused.
Then she laughed, made jokes, told me about how during the past hospital stay a boy came in and she taught him how to draw for hours. How inspired she was, how this situation has already changed her outlook in so many things. She told me about the nature haven at her mom's in Wisconsin where she's healing, her desire to possibly go back to school, her courage with her state, her acceptance of being in this wheelchair. Her message in life, how she just wants to remind people, that "hey if your cell phone breaks- its going to be ok."
I felt so inspired after talking to her, a serious perspective shift.
"a day for laughing...excercise for the soul, for the spirit. " drawing and interview- Alex Parkin.
many of these are stills from my new animation work!
i love you.