I met with Debby on Thursday after a surreal night. I was exhausted and overwhelmed.
I felt into my body. I unloaded things that had accumulated there. She asked me what it would feel like to create space around me, to protect myself.
I told her I would have a lake around me. All this water. She said "like you're on an island."
I repeated over and over "this is my space, and your not allowed in it without my permission."
Things can come in so quickly and unannounced sometimes. Sometimes I feel like an observer, a deer, who watches silently, unsure if they should move or stay.
Debby wrote on a card for me a sort of mantra:
We always have the choice to stay or go.
I'm really beginning to work on making these choices for myself, remembering the idea of allowing it to be for the highest good of all, but that I am included in that most importantly.
I have the choice to do what serves me.
The week before that I had met with her in New York over skype.
New York was a little slice of joy, bliss and creativity.
That place always is.
Over our skype meeting she had me do different exercises where I observed things in the room, observing how they affected me, on whether or not I liked them or agreed with them.
Instead of allowing them to draw me in energetically, I'd let them come to me and just observe the effect.
A good thing to use in other situations.
I felt my body held by the chair that was carrying me. She asked me to feel it on my back. To feel its support, it was like a giant hand holding me.
I flew the other night in my dream, I became lucid and decided I wanted to fly. Was so liberating in a way. I could only not fly anymore when I came back down and tried to take people or things with me.
I thought of the bird I visualized in Debby's office, the way it flapped around its cage frantically, so afraid and hurt, I saw myself open the door and nurture it, telling it that I would never hurt it the way I did again. We must be so gentle with our hearts, souls, minds and psyche's.
Here are some uplifting images from New York.
Life has many contrasts.
I'm trying to figure out less in my life, not get so worried about decisions.
In New York Debby said to me " You'd be surprised at how much of life you don't actually have to figure out."
For some reason hearing that from someone else was such a relieving- "oh yes moment."
(If you're interested in meeting with Debby who is a great teacher you can find her at firstname.lastname@example.org and debbyjay.com )