Mantra of the Day:
Today i embrace my potential to be , do and have whatever I can dream.
This past week flew by.
It was one of creativity and connectivity.
I had another session with Debby and I'm learning little by little that this may be such experiential work that trying to describe it is somewhat difficult. Like trying to describe what air is to someone whose never realized they we're breathing. I think of the metaphor for trying trying to describe water to fish.
I begin to describe it to someone and I find myself talking about what I did with my body.
The way i pushed metaphorical walls away from me and off me to make space.
How Debby held on to my ankles for a long time as I laid on a table.
Asking me how it felt,
"like i was tree with roots coming down into the earth."
I walked in there with a whole lot of energy.
I told her i wanted to shake it off, or move it around. That's when we started moving invisible barriers, I pushed against her as we walked across the room hands touching. It was nice to be able to push back, or push out, use a strength and let it be there.
I sat down and felt better.
Told her I felt a bit of this sadness. A flowing in my heart center.
She asked me, "what if you allowed that to be there, what would that be like?"
It was like water, slowly moving, I made the gesture with my hands, and slowly saw little waves, like a little stream moving out of me.
I asked her where she thought anxiety comes from.
She said there are different situations, but usually it comes from a situation, but not the actual situation, but the thought, "I don't know how to handle this situation, or I don't know if I can."
I guess it's the feeling of helplessness, powerless-ness, or maybe inadequacy that gives rise to these feelings of anxiety.
She described a scenario with a snake, how if you walked into a jungle, or clearing and a snake was in your path, it wouldn't be the actual snake that gave the anxiety, but the idea of not knowing what to do, or whether you felt like you could handle the situation or not. Your reaction.
I saw many situations in my life reflected in that metaphor.
A little voice in me wants to just go- C"MON! I CAN DO THIS.
Maybe I'm working on letting that trust node grow now.
Then I laid down. She held my ankles as I said. And it felt like a support, rather then a weighing down. As if I was supported by the earth like a tree with roots.
She put her hands on the edge of my body so I could feel my edges. Then she allowed me space so I could feel the space around me.
At one point she came around to my head and sort of lengthened it in a way, or gently held it.
I noticed how my whole body felt connected, it was the first time in a while where I realized how often I live from my head, how disconnected from the body i can be.
I thought of a balloon for a head- a floating head, with the body way down away from me.
But in that moment I really noticed, feeling different parts of my body, how much my body has to say, how much it wants and needs to be acknowledged. So different then trying to intellectualize everything from a mental point.
Sort of relieving in a way.
I left the session with a lightness.
I walked around and made friends with a tree.
His little branch hanging down like an arm reaching out for an embrace or handshake.
How do you do, nice to meet you.
What new magic will I experience today?
Sweet rose is here from New York, and the warm sun is kissing my favorite tree in my front yard, the leaves golden and hanging on like little decorations.
I listen to some of my favorite music and breathe into my back.
This is where I am.
The white overtone wizard sings sweetly to herself.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eb6Npon06CI
You can reach Debby at debby@debbyjay.com and debbyjay.com .
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