home

i really cant get enough of this image. and enough in the sense of little sister staring down the camera, older sister blowing nose, and old friend feeling awkward.i love capturing these moments.

explosions in the sky "greet death" just came on.
all i can think about is that dream i had a little while back. the one i was telling nina about earlier tonight.
i was falling off a stairway outside my back porch, i was all clenched up. that initial moment i realized i'm falling to my death. and then i'm falling, for what seems like longer than i should be, and something in my ear just whispers.
let go.and i'm falling, and it feels so
good.
there's no fear really, it just feels so good to fall. and to not care.
to not worry about the crash.
in death there is no fear.
so lately i've been falling.
so softly and so nicely, falling towards my slow death.
and loving every hazy minute of it.

on new years i ended up at this place called the convent collective in san francisco. a bit like the collective i live in but is 4 stories, with roof top musicians for this and an abandoned church next door.
after the magic hour of midnight i found myself in the top of the bell tower of the church looking out at the bay bridge and the tiny lights covering the city.
i attempted to ring the bell as silently as i could, it let out this tiny echoe. like the lap of a lake, like a bell you might here in the morning. in the distance, unsure if you made it up in your head or not.
a friend who i hadn't seen since time spent in Berlin was there.
we watched cars pass, i asked him where they were all going.

he said it's after midnight so probably home. i smiled to myself and thought simply, well yeah, i guess that is the place you find yourself at the end of the night.

nina asked me tonight where that was for me.
home that is.
it took me a minute.
i finally told her there is not one place really.

i am kind of my own home.and the people that i find myself around, the people i adore, that make that place for me, are my home too.
whether that be san fracisco, paris, chicago, or new york.