Evolution

I'm sitting in the courtyard of the home I've been living in for the past week and a half.
The sun is out, the walls are orange, and pots with flowers are in each corner of the open area.
Matias, my friends 18 year old son, is pulling beautifully smelling wood chips out of wood he has while listening to the Garden State soundtrack.

It's funny to listen to this soundtrack I remember from high school, 7 years ago, trying to recollect my 18 year old self.

The older I get, sometimes the younger I feel. Old and young.
The skies are so clear today.
I just finished a mango I bought from a street vendor for 5 pesos and I'm lounging in this bright yellow chair.

Everything sort of feels like its standing still.
Mali just got home and gave me ice cream she made from berries and yogurt.

My tummy is happy and full.
Life is such a curious ever changing evolution. And yet, the clouds are always the same. They come and they go, they are white or they are grey. I am me , you are you, I am you, you are me.
En la' kesh. This phrase I really learned and started using this past winter.
I am another you.

little ceremony we had last night for the end of the mayan year.

i found this on my friends blog and really liked it:

Confidence. I'll take a scoop of that right now. Leaving a place I've gotten comfortable in is hard, and yet I do it continually, and I have learned that every little leap of faith and risk I take is generally rewarded or leads me to somewhere beautiful, even in spite of challenge.

Sometimes you gotta work for it.

and this Ram Dass image I love:

I remember my friend's Nani in India told me once, that every person we come in contact with, that we even brush on the shoulders with, we are meant to. 
What an interesting and beautiful idea. I think of so many people who have touched my life and left such echoes on it. 
It can almost be overwhelming to think, that everything is already planned, and yet at the same time we have so much freedom. It's like am I writing the book, or is it writing me?

mysteryyyyyy.

and then with all these questions I look at the sky and think what does it even matter?
Ha.

I worked with this healer earlier this year who was all about laughter.
I asked him why people got so worried about things while I was bursting out laughing, he said
"because they're just loaded with too much stuff!"

I laughed for about 20 minutes straight. And even now I think of one of my best friend's tattoo's that says NOMA. Nothing Matters.
Its like it all matters, we have to be aware, and yet we also have to continually let go, because it doesn't matter.

"You are what you think you are." C. S. Lewis.

and now to listen to this little jingle....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9gK2fOq4MY

enjoy your life

its yours for the living.

i found this image from over a year ago that I took in NY. i still love it.

Guatemala to Mexico

It's my last night in Antigua, Guatemala. In the morning I head to Mexico.

I'm not really sure how to explain the strange love affair I had with this city.

The way I fell in love with the sky and the clouds on the mountains and volcanoes.

The two brothers who run the hostel I stay at, the way one of them says over and over "Mucho gusto Bird, Mucho Gusto"

The cats and the bunny who hops around the place

The loud streets even, the bumpy stones all over them, the way you can really feel yourself walk.

The food in the market.

 The food in the morning, either pancakes or egg sandwiches, I never knew I liked either.

Tamar, the woman I lived with. The way she would decorate herself and others, putting feather headbands on everyone, encouraging all of us to see our own beauty.

The earth lodge, a little haven in the hills that saved me one night.

Lunch with an unexpected soul sister from Alburqurque.

The smiles and love of the kids I met.

All the unexpected souls I met and interviewed, the one's who shared bits and pieces of themselves with me.

One's who reflected things I knew and didn't know where there in my heart.

The colors, and the smiles of people on the street.

Some love affairs are brief, it feels I've been here for a strangely long lapse of time and yet at the same time it feels I am moving so quickly. 

But I trust, I accept, to fall in love with a place and the people, but also know there is more to explore.

Today I went to this weaving workshop in a town next to here, I couldn't decide if I should head to Xela or just head to Mexico, but I couldn't leave without saying goodbye to Raul, I skyped a friend and he told me, "don't make the decision, let the decision make you."

It was getting late and if I wanted to head to Xela I needed to leave soon, some girls said they were going to a weaving workshop and I said I want to go, and did. Left Raul a note to book my shuttle for the morning and left, the decision became simple.

It was nice to see all these beautiful patterns this woman made, she talked about the ceremonial aspects of it and then we watched this beautiful little girl show us how it was done. It was amazing to see her tiny hands and arms work the large object that contained the weaving.

I've received so many unexpected gifts.

I want to write more about the three weeks I've spent here and I'm just not sure how to.

It's been a wonderful blessing to rest, create and be in. To be inspired, to learn and to grow and work on the Wish Book in. To experience that wish come to fruition and see all the angels who supported.

I call in more magic for Mexico, ask that I am lead, guided, protected and that I may find beautiful communities to document, share and create in.

More wishes to collect and more videos to make that inspire.

May I be a tool.

May everyone love their dreams.

May you know how special you are.

May you paint and feel everything with your whole heart.

Remember what you have is now, and the future is your place to plant your own seeds to grow.

It's all blank canvas.

I'm so grateful to all the support in my life on this journey.

L'chaim.

Here's to life and all of it's surprises.
the message i received from this book in the market the other day:

sometimes i don't even understand the forces, but i just keep hearing the same thing;
to just
Show Up.

openness

this morning I am listening to this:
http://soundcloud.com/ivymeadows/sagitari

This lulling dream music over and over.
It's one of those creations in life that just makes me feel so so much.
I love that humans have the capacity to create such beauty through art and music, it blows my mind.

Lately I have been coming in contact with so many beautiful souls here, I didn't expect to stay in Antigua this long, but I also didn't feel any rush to move on.
It was sort of just like, yes, this is where you are going to stay for a bit.

I've been thinking about the echoes we leave, the ripples on lives. The small things that people can say or do that can stick with you for so long. The big things, the way everything we experience depends on our perception of them and how everything has an effect thats greater then zero. How we change those perceptions, how we view ourselves, our relationships, our lives is all in our hands really. I think perception is really the one and only factor we can control.
Openness.

That is my word of the day, openness to whatever it is that comes.
Allowing all the questions to exist, all the fears but not getting stuck in them.
They are just there.

What does it mean to live your life entirely in your heart?

i read this quote the other day " trust your heart above all else and never worry about consequences."
i think the main thing I am learning continually is we never know whats right for the other guy, only what is right for us, and if we can drop all of the stories or voices that aren't ours in our hearts or heads we can move more freely, but its about changing conditioning. Unlearning, forgiveness and serious acceptance of the self and encouragement. We have to be our own best friends.

This video was taken a few days ago here, I was really inspired by this girl who had a tatto on her foot she got with her best friend who had passed recently.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHMFmHQVd1M&feature=youtu.be

I dont think any of us can actually avoid heartache, we can only figure out how to deal with it. How to ask for support, how to get the lesson from it, how to love ourselves more deeply and forgive everything.

And the next thing is showing up, man really showing up fully when your heart asks you too.
I think thats a most recent wish of mine, to show up fully with how I feel and not run away from my own truths. Even if they don't make sense to me, I dont think love or life can always be rationally understood. There is a freedom in showing up, regardless of the outcomes.



I am still collecting wishes and documenting, I really want to head to Mexico next, because I hear there is amazing Magic in Oaxaca that I really want to document. I feel this pull there and I want to see what ripples can be found, how I can also be an instrument in some way and work with people and kids.

here is some magic from my journal, wishes and such;

here are some more vidoes here,

last few days to raise funds :)

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/courtneybird/the-wish-book-central-america

every little bit counts 

i loveeee you