Returning

good old bobby.

I'm on a rooftop where it is cold, the sun has set and I am alone.
It's been awhile since I have been alone and it feels nice. I needed to do this for myself, leave a small and beautiful community that was created in Tulum near the ocean. I gave the last days my full attention because I knew it was all I had. The present, i thought to myself in the water, on the sand, smiling at my new friend Ines's face- ENJOY this, soon it will be gone.
And so I left Tulum, jumped on my bus, held a sleeping child on my lap, and relived all of the strange magic the world had thrown at me the week before.
Returning to Chiapas this morning with help and a quiet hostel all to my self...

This is what I wrote earlier today...

whenever you think things can't get any better, they do.

I'm on a bus headed back to Chiapas, I left more people I fell in love with, and so the cycle goes.

You love, you hold on, you let go, you find more.

People leave the bus now, a really beautiful large family, two girls with bangs and bright faces.

A woman sat next to me with her child, he would slowly fall into my lap and she would try to pull him back over apologizing, I would tell her "no te precepts" ( don't worry). I don't think she realized what medicine it was for me. Theres nothing i love more than holding a child in my arms. 

In the morning when he woke he would look over and smile a shy smile at me.

I interviewed an 11 year old on the street yesterday for the Wish Book, she told me she wished to be a doctora, because she liked to cure and help people.

I loved her beautiful and simple drawing of it.

My lips are sore. We spent the full moon in a place called Mahaual. It was one of the strangest and most bizarre- challenging and beautiful trips I have ever taken.

We kayaked out to the middle of the mediterranean and stayed there for hours while Carlos fished, my lips burnt from the sun. It was me, a beautiful french Charlotte, an amazing Argentinian Facu and the sweetest American/Guatemalan Jose.

The moon came out, llena luna. Full moon, large and beautiful. Our room was in the clouds in the sky and we could see the water where the moon reflected the most beautiful light on to it, just dancing.

I gave away a tarot deck before I left. I met this amazing guy named Coleman who had become a brother, silly and real, a Tennesse boy with the sweetest heart. I told him I had a vision of myself throwing away the cards and he said I think you should follow that.

I don't want to try to figure out the future any more. I like the cards as a tool, to help others, and sometimes even myself at times but he was really dead on when he said he thinks it makes me think too much about the questions and the answers. My virgo nature loves to over analyze.

They felt really good to let go of.

My friend Hadas from Israel was really happy to receive them.

She had told me one night, "whenever something bad happens, something good happens after."

I full heartedly believe that. Even leaving yesterday, everything about it was so smooth and so right, and still really hard.

Love wants to keep you places, but when i was drawing with Facu in the sky one day he gave me a word;

Esperanza.

Which is basically faith and trust.

I trust and have faith that wherever i am walking into next is where I am meant to.

The last day was spent on the beach with my new family and community, speaking french, spanish and learning some german and then swimming in the water. My friend told me a story in spanish and I would write it down. It was about a boy who lived in the clouds with a heart of water. He lived off of other peoples day dreams and thoughts.

Talkin with Hadas the first night she told me, " I wasn't happy, but I think it was meant to be this way."

She was talking about her time in the army in Israel. But she told me how it lead her into drawing and art, which is her passion now. She travels the world and at many places she stays for free and creates beautiful murals. She used my watercolors and fell in love with this new medium.

One night we all sat around making art, music was playing, Facu was making a large puppet and I was discussing dreams and wishes with two girls from Spain.

They were so kind, I told them I just wanted to listen to my "voz interiore" (inner voice) and trust myself. Sometimes I feel I don't have "confianza" that self trust.

She told me, but look at you- here you are "viaje sola" traveling solo, you do have trust in yourself.

"you are here, and maybe you feel you should be here"- and put her hand Way up high.

I smiled and was grateful for her reflection. How often do we pat ourselves on the back for realizing our dreams and where we are at, instead of thinking, how could i be doing this better?

SELF LOVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEE.

We are all works in progress but self love is serious important medicine I learn more and more about this everyday.

Whenever i lose my light I find it in another and it gets reflected and grows again, I love that about people.

The way we are continually learning from each other.

I am blessed.

Soon I will arrive in Chiapas, I hope to spend the day editing, I've collected so much and have been doing so much living that I haven't really set aside time to edit it together. Another reason I left last night, needed to create a bit of balance and giving to my projects so I can share all the strange magic before I slip into more of it. :)

I think I will head back to the community next to the river in Chiapas and then we will see.

alright heart, keep up the openness, mind keep out the fear, and soul keep up the shinning.

i heard this quote in guatemala, "you feel most alive when you forget that you are alive."

And now a quesadilla dinner with new friends from Switzerland.

Gratitude.

i wish everyone would give themselves what they want, and not rationalize why they don't deserve it.

All that you want is yours.

and all you have you want.

if not, accept, change, transform, adapt, create; Principles of Alchemy.

mmmmm Tracy Chapman is playing, and it feels so good to hear. I love what music can do.

night night